Raising kids in Kenya...

It's Sunday late afternoon, Cute Child is sleeping, Hot Husband is sleeping, and we just came back from a 2.5 hour lunch at a Kenyan Chinese Restaurant. Live soft rock music (we left to a remix of Madonna being sung), tons of dirty toys and jungle gyms, trampoline, etc to entertain kiddies, free ice cream at the end of the meal... All is well. It's becoming a after church tradition.

However with the 4 families that we've gotten to know the most- 2 are leaving. 1 family, from Quebec leaves tomorrow, and I fear Hot Husband is losing his closest friend here. :( It's the great exodus, and apparently it happens every two years, or sometimes once a year here. Expat communities are revolving doors, people in, people out. New faces, fresh off the "boat", with contracts that last between 1-5 years, missionary voluntary positions with mandatory year long furloughs, etc. the 2nd family leaves for the States for a whole year long furlough next month. Cute Child sat with their daughter- he just thinks she's so much fun- in the rocks (she's 2 years older, but loves him too) and they took handfuls of rocks and poured them over each others heads. To say Cute Child needs a bath and to soak his scalp is an understatement! The weather is starting to cool down here, but the sun has been out quite a bit nevertheless. It's days like today, where it's just a bit chilly, but the sun is shining brightly that remind me of a June day in Montana. It's nice.

I feel like we are in the season of transition here, people coming and going. Plus there is this cultural thing here where as soon as kids turn 2, they put them into school. Most of the times it's half days, and between 3-5 days a week. Most of Cute Child's friends in play groups are soon going to all be going to school, leaving him with much younger children. I find this incredibly odd. It's not like any of these mothers work here! (Even if they wanted to, visas are incredibly hard to obtain) My firm conviction is that I will only have this time with him for a very few short years, I want to spend every moment I can taking advantage of it. I am so honored and blessed to be able to not have to work, to be able to spend this time with my child(ren), why would I cart him off to some school, just because it's what everyone else is doing? That being said, I am praying for some (at least 1-2) other moms in my circle who feel the same as I so that he has friends at these play groups at a similar age. And it's been an excellent reminder to spend more quality time with Cute Child, treasuring every moment- it goes so fast.

This past week was a bit blah. I like blah. That means we didn't visit hospitals, or doctors, or have to administer dose after dose of medicine. The hives are still coming to the surface, though fewer, and farther between. Today his eyes were all puffy and swollen for about an hour, and then went down. I spent a lot of time trying to get things done this past week only to hit major brick walls. Either exhaustion or just closed doors. Yesterday though we hit the jackpot and bought an entire living room ensemble, and a guest bed and mattress. Now we have so much furniture, I can't figure out where to put it all. We went from a house that echoes, to one that is overcrowded. But I can't complain! It's going to be fantastic once it's all arranged, and cleaned!

Below: 2 Pictures taken on the way back from Tobaca/Kisii: Tea fields and their harvesters... And the easiest way to carry bananas!

Expat Blues...

Not sure if I'm feeling down because of hormones, or because it's just another part of adjusting to living in another country, so far from family and friends.

Hot Husband and I are continuing to be stretched in the area of finances, and just praying that everything works out in the end. This puts a level of uncertainty in our lives- and particular things like making our apartment into more of a home. I'd like to paint, get some pictures framed, hang things on the walls, and buy more seating for the living room.

Yesterday was Mother's Day. Our church did nothing and had no honoring for the Mother's. It is a holiday in Kenya, but I didn't realize it wasn't till end of June, and English Mother's Day was April 3rd. Simply put, I had an expectation and it wasn't met. Then when it wasn't met, I just felt that much more homesick, thinking of our church(es) in the States and all the wonderful things they do for mothers. Adding insult to injury, I'd had a dream in the morning that had capitalized on my feelings of not fitting in recently, and when I was at church not anyone that I've known for months initiated conversation- normally no big deal, but after the dream, and already feeling lonely... a yucky feeling! Everyone left, and Hot Husband and I just decided to go home and be together with Cute Child instead of going out. As I said, it felt lonely. Back home, and growing up, families get together and go out to a fantastic brunch buffet, or to someone's home for a beautiful meal. Everyone is surrounded by family and/or friends, and loads of love.

There are moments when no matter how well I've adjusted, and how many people I've gotten to know, I feel lonely. This isn't just living overseas, though being out of your home country is much more of a stark contrast, but it also can and has happened in the States. Just being away from family and the familiar. We have moved 6 times in 6 years of marriage. I'm sure that this something to do with it. I have personally moved almost 15 times in the last 13 years. It's funny, though I'm wining about it right now, I know deep down, that I wouldn't have it another way- especially when I look back and reassess the moves and why they happened. Ivan and Isabel Allum prophesied once that some people have seasons of their lives where they go through doors, but my life was going to be- for the most part- a sort of encampment on one of those type of circular doors that just rotates around and around, with constant coming and going. If the last 13 years are any indication of that, I'd say they were spot on!

The last few days I've been wondering if there is something wrong with me. Why do I feel this way? Why don't I fit in more with others? Am I that different then others, or is it my own pride or imagination that is making me feel like such an odd duck? Lol. I know, I know, this sounds so dramatic. And I know, I am a citizen of heaven, not created to be like everyone else, or even to fit in with everyone else... I'm created to be more and more like Him... which is most definitely not like everyone else!

Also, there's been more odd things going on in our apartment complex. I had to laugh the other night. I woke up at about 4am, to a loud argument going on in the parking lot beneath our bedroom window. Two men from one of the companies here that rents out apartments for their employees to stay in while they are here on assignment- had brought home two prostitutes, who were most decidedly not liking each other. They were screaming and carrying on, while the men were just trying to get them upstairs and into the apartments. *sigh. While this is happening, there were the 3 Kenyan children washing their parents large and brand new 50,000+USD LandRover by hand in the backdrop. It's odd, these kids wash the car in the middle of the night, and I've not once seen the parents. They work continually. Why they don't pay a gardener/askari 100sh (a bit over a dollar) to wash the car like the rest of us is totally beyond me. I just do not understand it. This apartment complex is a very odd mixture of single men and their prostitutes, and families with their children. Also last week, another guy brought home a prostitute, fell asleep and then woke up to his passport, laptop, and everything being stolen from the woman. He then screamed at the night watchmen for allowing her out. How were they to know that his guest was stealing from him? All this to say, it doesn't make me feel all that safe, and I know it does affect my sleep when all this is going on.

All this to say, my blues have caused me to take a step back and evaluate the things in my life that are amazing blessings. To spend time with Him and worship, raising myself out of these blues. He for certain is not blue! We love it here, for all the crazy neighbors, awful traffic, and prolonged financial breakthrough. There are flowers blooming everywhere, the weather is hardly what one could call cold, the rain is a beautiful downpour, the birds sing songs I have never heard, and there is a wonderful community of moms for play groups that keeps Cute Child constantly playing outside. I have been married 6 years to an amazing man, who has never let me down, and loves me deeply. He works hard, and loves Father and Cute Child so much. He is an amazing dad and helps me out in ways that many other dads don't do. I have Doris who cleans my house, and has helped me with Cute Child through the last 3 months of sickness- always being cheerful and loving. I have family back in the States who sends us packages of mac n cheese, tons of tv shows, and lets us borrow their parenting dvds. I have in laws who are visiting and bringing all we need for baby #2's arrival. We have a great new car, that when we leave will provide us with a good nest egg for buying another car wherever we go. I have a son who is bright, loving, sweet, charming, and full of laughter who brings joy into every day of my life. I didn't have to go through a year of fertility medicine to get pregnant with this upcoming child. The grocery store carries Honey Bunches of Oats and Blueberry Morning Post the last 5 months, so my bit of cereal breakfast bliss has been sustainable! Though we don't know what will happen in the future, if I rehash our past, our last 6 years, I can honestly say that He's never left us hanging, He's never led us wrong, and that the future will only be brighter and better. I am a deeply blessed woman for all the friends that live all around the world. For their love, support, prayers, and compassion. For their encouragement, little notes, and just them believing in me, in us. I am truly rich.

Just some random things about living here..

In Nairobi, if you're driving down a big hill, give plenty of space to the large water truck, or Citi Hoppa (city bus) in front of you. In fact, give lots of space to any large vehicle in front of you when going down a hill. Mostly because the hills going down immediately go back up and many of these vehicles can't quite make it up the hill. In which case they stop, even more black clouds of exhaust come pouring out then normal as their engines work in overdrive to get the rest of the way up the hill. In the off chance that it can't make it, random men will jump out, or appear from nowhere and place large rocks behind the tires to stop it from rolling backwards. And if that doesn't happen... you will watch the vehicle roll backwards- towards your car. This has happened to me. I was fine since I had given space to get out of the way. But yesterday was a weird day driving, I was reminded of this rule over and over again as I saw 5-7 large trucks/buses stuck on their way uphill, large rocks wedged behind their tires, long lines of cars waiting to get around them.

I was also reminded yesterday that I am hormonal. This shows itself in my driving- I get so irate here when driving!!! I have no idea how most people here learn how to drive, I suspect that they never have. It's absolutely infuriating and ridiculous at moments. Driving is bedlam at times, and being pregnant/hormonal while driving brings out the worst in my temperament. I yelled at 2 drivers yesterday. People think it's rough driving in NYC, or that Boston drivers are aggressive. HA! I'd like to see those people survive an hour driving around Nairobi! All this too say, I'm not exactly proud of the responses that I had to those drivers, and have been asking God to help me!

We have rats that keep trying to invade our house. Hot husband obliterated a broom trying to kill one in the kitchen. He ended up trapping it in a box, putting that in a garbage bag, and then beating the bag/box against the marble walkway outside... Till the guards came and assured him that the rat had to be dead, and he was waking the other tenants. This is the thing. We live on the 2/3rd floor. They literally are scaling the wall outside to get to our kitchen window ledge, and the attached outdoor laundry area. *sigh. The specific rat that met Hot Husbands wrath- climbing into the kitchen via a top window. He had to climb GLASS to get into that window. These Kenyan rats are scary, freaky, and genius. But not genius enough to figure out the hot pink pellets I put out, doused in vanilla extract are actually POISON! BWA-HAHA-HA!!! (evil laugh!) Yes, so there are lot of them, and every night they eat all the poison, and the next night I put out more. I would use something else, but I've been to 4 stores and it was between hot pink rat poison pellets, and this sticky mat that you put down and their feet stick to it. Um. Heck no?!! Do I really want to wake in the morning to find a rat on a sticky mat screeching at me to un-stick his feet?

In Nairobi when it rains, you may not be able to get through to anyone on your cell, and your DSTV satellite tv service may suddenly not work at all. Also the internet will randomly become completely useless. People will drive as if they've never seen rain before, and a drive that would normally take 15 minutes in traffic could take 2 hours. Luckily the rainy seasons are the only seasons they have here. Imagine if they had snow? The whole country would shut down!

On a personal note:
I'm in week 16 and not puking. Rooibos tea in the night has been a major lifesaver with that, meaning that I'm also not eating like a horse to ward off puking constantly. The result? I haven't gain anything. However, sadly, I have lost 2 pounds the last two weeks because of an awful cold that has me barely hungry- and only eating because I know the baby needs it. This pregnancy in the weight department- so far- is proving to be very different then when I had Cute Child. At this point I think I had already gained 10+ pounds. I'm still in regular clothes, and currently look like I have a large beer gut. I will start gaining soon no doubt!

We are learning a lot personally as we are being stretched in ways financially that we haven't in the past. Without going into the details, please just keep us in prayer.

African Women Work REALLY Hard.

One weekend in February, Hot Husband and I spent a Saturday, date day together. We went along Ngong Road to order some bookcases made, and to also get a couple potted plants for our porch for my birthday. :) Yes, I am my mother's daughter. (Not everyone would want plants for their birthday!)...

As we were getting ready to pull away, Hot Husband and I spotted this woman. Walking down the road with her heavy load of grass. We pulled up, asked if we could take her picture, and gave her some money. One thing we've learned here, is that you don't just take pictures of people. They feel exploited, and it's generally just not respectful. Can you imagine walking home from work in Boston, and having some ogling tourists leaning out of their cars snapping pictures of you?

I can't believe she even took the time to smile for the picture. She was so lovely, and so friendly, even though we'd stopped her in her days work. Somehow, while I was quickly taking her picture (didn't want to bring to much attention to her, and embarrass her or anything), hot husband had hopped out of the car, and was asking her where she was headed. About 2 miles ahead. Before I could blink, he'd gathered another guy from the roadside and they'd taken her load and put it on the top of the car.

We drove down the road, waiting for her to tell us to turn, or that this was her destination... We drove a lot farther then what we had thought. Turned right down a road towards a school, semi paved, and then she pointed left, down a road that was simple dirt. After my pots fell over, half my flowers all fell out and were ruined, and dirt was scattered everywhere in the back bed of our SUV, I was feeling a bit agitated with this plan. I also didn't want to get ourselves in a place where we would be in danger. Hot Husband and I decided I would go in the back and squat while we drove trying to keep the pots and plants from tipping again. The idea of danger was laughed at by hot husband, and I kept silent, seeing the look of relief and pleasure on our new friends face. She kept saying over and over, "God has answered my prayer for today!!". She had been feeling run down, and tired... but this kind of work does not end. If you have animals- she has cows- they always need to eat. And you must feed them.

We drove down a dirt road, rutted with large holes and dips from the rains, and I thought once again how my friend Natalie is made for Africa. (She loves off-roading). When she pointed up a dirt trail, littered with garbage, and hot husband began to drive up it, I officially put my foot down... pointing out that garbage often means broken glass, that it was even a road, but a foot path, and which of us wanted to spent their Christmas money on new tires for our car? This time he listened. And while little children suddenly appeared out of nowhere, staring at us in curiosity, Hot Husband proceeded to pull the grass down off the roof. And then asked if he could carry it to her cows.

She showed him how to carry it, and before I knew it, I was locking the doors to the car (he'd left the keys in the ignition in his excitement), and was running after him snapping pictures like we were on some national geographic expedition.

I feel a bit embarrassed telling that it felt like that. But I know it didn't feel like that at all for Hot Husband. He was simply in the moment, wanting to help this woman, and see what her life was like by doing her work.

He had to take her load up a large steep hill, and then winding through some simple little houses, to a little cabin with the cows all in their stalls at the back of the house.

They were all dairy cows, and the woman's 3 children came running excited to see their mother with 2 mozungus (white people) hours and hours before she was due to arrive. Everything was very simple, very clean, and very much like what you would expect a 100 years ago. No electric, no water, just simple living.

Hot Husband barely made it with her load. He said it was all he could do to not stop and take a break, and he was "shocked" at how heavy the load of grass actually was. We tried to guess, it was well over a 100 pounds. This woman has 0% fat on her body.

We walked away from her house, from their little cabin dwelling (there were about 7 of them up that hill), down the hill, with children running with us, laughing and smiling, and this woman.. so happy that God had answered her prayer, happy that we had stopped for her that day.

It was a bizarre experience. More for us then for her, though you couldn't ignore the men (we only saw men) walking large loads of grass on their backs while we drove home- hours away from their destination. Bizarre in that we didn't do it to feel good, we didn't do it for a photo opportunity, or to see her personal house... but we just did it. I'm glad we did, my plants survived. And I feel like we both have so much respect and more understanding for women here, who walk with such loads, on their heads, their backs, and often, with a child or baby in tow.

We have this picture on our wall in the States of these Ethiopian women carrying very large clay water jars on their backs, and without fail, our African friends in Boston would look at this picture, and just shake their heads at how hard the work was. They did it with a familiarity, an understanding, and a deep knowing that I never really could understand. I now feel that I understand. Not personally, as if I have had to do this, but from firsthand seeing what we did that Saturday.

Father bless the woman off Ngong Road and her children. Give her plenty of food, protect her cows from sickness, let them produce enough milk for her family. Keep her safe, and her children well. Let her children be educated, and help the sacrifices of their mother not be in vain- with all of them having a much better life and future then the one she has worked so hard for. This is every mother's wish.

What are we doing...?

Today I am particularly introspective. Hot Husband left early for some sort of small business development training course he's taking all week, the long rains have started (early this year) so no British High Commission play group time, and Cute Child and I are on the 2nd week of our horrible Diarrhea. (Yes, I'm quite blunt, but what's the use in playing around the obvious truth? And yes, it's so bad, it deserves to be capitalized).

That being said, we've pretty much stayed inside. I'm about to go with Cute Child for a quick run to the store for some bread. We have been eating the "Brat" diet quite well. Bananas, Rice, Applesauce (okay, minus this ingredient, since unless I make it, or there's a random import of it on the shelves at Nakumatt, it does not exist here!) and Toast. Toast has been my best friend.

My introspection today: What on earth am I doing in Africa? I am not helping the poor, or the widow (okay, except Doris, but does that really count?), or the orphan (giving rides to the Sudanese guys at church- just doesn't count). Can merely living in a place make a difference? Hot husband is gaining invaluable experience, most of which he would not be able to get in the States... this is important for him, and for us. But for me, while everyone is so happy that I'm "living my dream of being in Africa"... quite frankly this isn't what I had in mind.

However, I don't know that what I had in mind would be possible. Not with Hot Husband's current career goals, and me being a mom. Staying at home with Cute Child can be hard to remember and feel like it is the 'most important' thing. Especially when I'm surrounded with so much need, and so many friends that are doing such 'important' works.

I guess what I'm saying is, today is a day where trying to see that Father has something bigger then myself and what I see going on... is very hard for me to imagine. For me to even believe. I get notes from back home, people so 'proud' of Hot Husband and I.. do they see something in us I can't see? We haven't told anyone that we're doing something we're not!

Aah, and once again, Father calls me to have my worth come only from Him, not in what I am doing, or not doing, how my life is evolving, or not evolving. I give it all, and there will always be enough for me, for my family.

Random things...

This is the longest I've gone since moving here without blogging. I've been crazy busy. And, I never know if anyone reads this, and so I lost some of my umph to write. :)

But never fear, I'm back.

We are moved into our new house, er, apartment. It's large- 3 bedrooms, 2.5 baths, a big kitchen, dining and living room... 2 porches. In Kenya they call the first floor the ground floor, and then the next floor up, what we would call the 2nd floor, they call the 1st floor. So we are on the Kenyan 1st floor, the American 2nd floor. Nice enough that I know we can make it out in a fire, and yet high enough I don't feel like anyone can just jump through our windows or onto our porches.

There is a lovely pool here with a great garden. I miss our Askari (I think the translation is guards/workmen) that did the grounds at Blackrose, they were all sooo nice. The Askari here are really friendly with Jonah, and the main gate Askari, Winston, is super friendly, but the others are slightly odd. I wonder what goes on in the minds of the Kenyans who work for all these expats. What do they think of us? Are we really weird? Snobby? Spoiled? Rich? Mysterious?

I have a great Kenyan woman named Doris that is coming twice a week to help me. Today we cleaned the house- okay she cleaned the house- did all the weeks cooking of meals, and now she is watching Cute Child while I have some God time, and write. I learned a lot from my time at the Vessenes, I was treated really well by them and know how I want to make sure Doris gets treated.

We weren't able to find used appliances by Saturday, and so we ended up buying them all new. ack. Almost $1300 for a washing machine, stove (cooker), and refridgerator. All of these items are about 1/3 less in size compared to the American ones we have at home. The one thing that we did find at the Roslyn school sale out by the UN, is a car. A Nissan X-Trail, 2001, with 65,000km on it. Only driven in Kenya for 2 weeks, it's imported from Japan. A Korean family bought it here, they were with YWAM, and something happened (very mysterious, but not a positive thing I fear) so they are going home immediately. They've lived here for 7 years. Anyways, they are selling us the X-Trail for a bit less then what they paid, and including all the legal docs, insurance for a year, a new sound system, a new roof rack, and a new alarm system with it. We've majorly scored. Add into that we feel that we can trust this couple and therefore the car isn't a dud. Also if we leave in 2 years and don't put too many miles on it, we will be able to sell it for what we are buying it for since we got such a great deal. I think sometime next week we'll officially have it in our hands. :) To have our own wheels! This brings such joy to my heart! No more bumming rides off of everyone! Or paying 50 bucks a week in taxis!

I'm feeling very homesick this week. I don't know if it's the season, or what. We have this amazing apartment here, and it's so empty that our voices echo in it. Some of my furniture is even loaned out to family members (Hot Husband's idea, I don't like doing that, because I feel bad asking it back, and i don't want things broken)- furniture I saved all my pennies for when we were just getting married. Why does this bother me so much? I don't even know. I just want my things, my stuff, my my my. Oh man, I sound like Cute Child. (new word: Mine, or My- it drives me crazy). Sigh. Another round of purging, breaking, burning, and dying, Lord? Very well then.

Hot Husband has been working since 3am yesterday, and he's not home yet now. That means he is on hour 38 of work. He was upset I cancelled dinner with our friends tonight. I just knew he wouldn't be quite coherant, and he was still frustrated that I cancelled. He doesn't seem to realize that a person isn't quite cognitively 'there' after being awake that many hours. I try to explain to him the health benefits of sleep, and he's yet to agree. He's one stubborn horse.

I've been doing a lot of thinking too lately about my life, my story. I'm about to turn 30 in a bit over a month, and I'm reading a book by Donald Miller (you might recognize him from Blue Like Jazz) called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, What I learned by editing my life... I'll do a whole entry on Thursday (when Doris is here next) but here is a clip (I love my Kindle's note taking ability) that struck me:

"I was watching the news the other night, and they were still covering that story in Mumbai about the terrorists who went on a shooting rampage. The man on the news said that before the terrorists killed the Jews in the Jewish centre, they tortured them. I had to turn off the television, because I could see the turture in my head the way they were describing it. I kept imagining these people, just living their daily lives, and then having them suddenly ended in unjust tragedy. When we watch the news, we grieve all of this, but when we go to the movies, we want more of it. Somehow we realize that great stories are told in conflict, but we are unwilling to embrace the potential greatness of the story we are actually in. We think God is unjust, rather than a master storyteller. "