What are we doing...?

Today I am particularly introspective. Hot Husband left early for some sort of small business development training course he's taking all week, the long rains have started (early this year) so no British High Commission play group time, and Cute Child and I are on the 2nd week of our horrible Diarrhea. (Yes, I'm quite blunt, but what's the use in playing around the obvious truth? And yes, it's so bad, it deserves to be capitalized).

That being said, we've pretty much stayed inside. I'm about to go with Cute Child for a quick run to the store for some bread. We have been eating the "Brat" diet quite well. Bananas, Rice, Applesauce (okay, minus this ingredient, since unless I make it, or there's a random import of it on the shelves at Nakumatt, it does not exist here!) and Toast. Toast has been my best friend.

My introspection today: What on earth am I doing in Africa? I am not helping the poor, or the widow (okay, except Doris, but does that really count?), or the orphan (giving rides to the Sudanese guys at church- just doesn't count). Can merely living in a place make a difference? Hot husband is gaining invaluable experience, most of which he would not be able to get in the States... this is important for him, and for us. But for me, while everyone is so happy that I'm "living my dream of being in Africa"... quite frankly this isn't what I had in mind.

However, I don't know that what I had in mind would be possible. Not with Hot Husband's current career goals, and me being a mom. Staying at home with Cute Child can be hard to remember and feel like it is the 'most important' thing. Especially when I'm surrounded with so much need, and so many friends that are doing such 'important' works.

I guess what I'm saying is, today is a day where trying to see that Father has something bigger then myself and what I see going on... is very hard for me to imagine. For me to even believe. I get notes from back home, people so 'proud' of Hot Husband and I.. do they see something in us I can't see? We haven't told anyone that we're doing something we're not!

Aah, and once again, Father calls me to have my worth come only from Him, not in what I am doing, or not doing, how my life is evolving, or not evolving. I give it all, and there will always be enough for me, for my family.