Indescribable

On Thursday, the day after the last post, I was in a car accident. Hit from behind, quite hard. The baby slept through it (I was taking him for his 4 month check up at his pediatrician), but I got pretty bad whiplash. Still aching from it, but my heart is aching more for what happened the next day.

First, let it be known that as I was driving, I kept hearing this voice saying that I was going to get in a car accident. At one point I said aloud, "In the name of Jesus, I pray for protection Holy Spirit and your angels, over myself, baby, and this car.". Not 5 minutes later we were hit from behind.

Okay so theologically, how do I interpret that? ....
Yeah, I don't know either. All I know is that next time, I'm just turning around and going home.

The next day, started out normal. Until I had several missed calls on my phone from our pastor at Karen Vineyard Church, Doug. I'm in charge of intercessory prayer for the church, a program called Pray10. He asked if Hot Husband was in town or away on business. (in town). He asked me to sit down. I asked if he was okay, and he said no, not at all.

Then he told me about a beautiful family in our church. Ebel, Lora and kids. (the kids names aren't in the news and so I think I won't mention them here either). They are a Dutch family, who have this amazing vision of building family homes for orphans. Meaning, homes in with families to take care of many orphans at once- in the same community setting. They live out in Athi River, 50kms from Nairobi, on a YWAM base. Ebel was building 8 more houses in order to receive more children.

Doug told me that the house was burglarized, Ebel shot, dead, in front of the children. Lora is okay he said, but she was taken advantage of.
shock. silence. dead. no breath. the world stood still. my vision blurry. my mind numb. my hands slack, then fists, then slack again...

I hung up my phone with Doug, and felll to the floor, on my face, laid out for Him. Sobbing snot into our rug. News like this hits you in the face, you cry and then you stop- it seems so unreal- and then another wave of reality hits and you sob more. I got up and wrote to my intercessors. And then I sat and thought of two friends who are very dear to Lora and Ebel. And wondered if they knew. One did, the other did not, and I had the awful horrible task of calling and telling them the news.

Last weekend and then most of this week has been a blur. Phone calls, planning (we did a memorial service on Sunday), praying, (so much praying), updating, processing.. laying in bed and hugging my husband so close, and then staring into the dark room of what Lora has lost- trying to see what God is saying in the middle of all of this why, and what if, and madness. On Thursday we did a prayer time for a few ladies in the church. OH the sweet richness of unity. Bringing comfort, peace, and strength to us all.

I'm better. Though my friend described it perfectly... "the shock has worn off, the deep throes of grief are ebbing... and today i feel moody. incredibly moody.".

I don't have much else to say. I just want you to know what my life has looked like here in the last week. I don't have any great revelations or words of wisdom.

I do know this though, satan never wins. And in a situation like Lora and Ebel's where it looks on every front as if satan has won... I just remember that God always, ALWAYS has the final say. I'm waiting to see what comes out of this- the gold and beauty will astound us all.
I know it.