I deserve it.

(i wrote this the other day, and would like to write more on this subject, with some scripture, stories, etc... but haven't gotten round to it... here's the 1st part!)

It's funny, that phrase. "I deserve it..." 'It' could be a new car, a cookie, a fabulous new handbag, a husband who puts his dirty laundry in the hamper, a better paying salary, something much more serious- like a healthy body. 

But, the truth of the matter is we don't always get what we think we deserve. 

Being an expat in the third world, there is constant temptation to say this phrase, to begin to use it as your motto. Especially if your life's work that has brought you here has included lots of sacrifices. Most particularly if you have given everything up to help the poor. The sacrifice of family, real supermarkets, salary cuts, and/or for those in missions- a lifestyle of living on donations, the future being unknown- and therefore the lifestyle of faith for your children's education, bread on the table, good clothing on your backs, health and safety.  To lay ones life down, saying goodbye to your country, your people, for the sake of another persons land, their culture, and they themselves... is no small thing. The sacrifice is very real!

However, there is often a sense of entitlement that will try and sneak up to rob you of your grace. If you aren't careful it makes you ungrateful for the bounty that you do live in- right now. The things that He has provided, the health you do have, the freedom you have to worship, the amazing ways of provision that have got you to this point.  

It's the greedy demon of comparison that whispers in your ear- "but I deserve that...", or "why don't i have this?", and then goes into a dangerous place, "why do they get that?" , "i'm better then them, i'm doing more then them...", and then... "I've given up more then them, they haven't had to work (suffer) nearly as much as I have..."

Slippery is this slope, and if you aren't careful you can find yourself careening out of control into a hole called self pity.

Somehow, we forget so quickly - that we are saved by grace. That everything we have is His, and that everything we are is because of Him and what He's done for us. Many of the things that we wish would happen in our lives, our ministries, our marriages and families- may not happen until we change our attitude. God does not OWE us anything. He paid for it all, already!  (I can hear myself whining like a kid in a candy shop already- 'but what about this? I want that!') 

For so many of us, we were saved into a salvation that promised better lives, the end of all of our problems, the fulfillment of every dream. And when this doesn't happen the way we wanted, we become whiny children in candy shops very quickly, our sense of entitlement taking over, our "I deserve it"s shouting loudly to everyone who will listen.